#WELLNESSWEDNESDAY
A desire and ability to be hopeful for change and extend grace after being wronged is a marvelous thing. It can generate a special kind of hope that has the power to create space for true shifts in harmful mindsets and behaviors, however there is such a thing as inappropriate hope. This type of hope is cultivated when we continue to offer grace to people, circumstances, and situations that no longer deserve our energy, effort, or attention. Just because people are given the chance to change does not automatically mean they are going to accept that chance. People can deserve grace, however, it does not have to be at the expense of the person extending the olive branch. At some point something has got to give. There is not enough grace in the world worth the detriment of your mental, spiritual, or emotional well-being, especially after you have been wronged. It’s just not worth it. So here are seven steps you can take on the road to forgiveness that aim to keep hope alive, while also maintaining your sanity, self-respect, and supporting your personal wellness.
- Attempt a Resolution. Make an attempt to have a conversation. Sometimes, all we need is for one person to be the stronger and bigger person and break the ice. Even though it may sting your pride, it is okay to be the one who does the hard thing and puts your vulnerability on the line for an attempt at resolution.
- Invite Acceptance. If all parties do not desire making amends, it is ok to accept the reality of that so you can begin your healing process. Though the misalignment in desire to clear the air may hurt initially, accepting the hard truth creates space to assess where you are, what your needs are and how you move forward from there.
- Remember the Positive. One of the most subtle ways to deplenish your personal energy is to linger in spaces of unresolved issues. Holding on to resentment and pain of past actions does not serve your highest good. The pain is real and it is extremely valid, which may make forgiveness seem nearly impossible, but even if you are not ready or do not desire to forgive, remember that this person or situation was in your life for a reason, and may have even at one point brought you a sense of joy. Honor that by remembering the positive aspects of your previous connection.
- Learn to Let it Go. Don’t trick yourself into thinking you can’t move on because you need more “clarity” or “closure”. If you can’t get the closure you would have wanted, what can closure look like for you now? The longer you ruminate on what has happened, the more energy and Life Force it takes away from you. You owe it to yourself to show up and be present in the world that you live in and you will not be able to do that fully and abundantly while holding on to the energy of resentment from the past. Learn how to practice letting it go. Especially if the person or circumstance is no longer aligned with your internal sense of peace.
- Learn the Lesson Through Self Reflection. Self reflection can be hard because it is easy to point the finger of blame outward. Instead, take a moment to explore what happened inwardly by nurturing a space of self assessment. How did you show up to this situation? What could you have done differently or better? How can you learn from the experience, and take it further with you?
- Practice Self Care. Go outside. Be in nature. Hug a tree. Invite play into your day. Take care of yourself. It is easy for pain to transport you into your thoughts, but allow yourself to remember that you are important too! You deserve to be in community and space with people who are going to show up and give you that same energy. Remind yourself that though it is hard to grieve the loss of someone important to you, remember the true value lies in putting yourself first.
- Remember to Flow. Nothing lasts forever. Even the most challenging and hurtful situations come to an end, eventually. You may be in the thick of it now, but you will not be forever so smile through the pain, dance through the rain and know that this craziness, this madness is only making you stronger because it is challenging you to remain connected to a bigger sense of purpose. Though it may be hard right now, allow yourself to open up to the direction life is wanting you to flow in.
No matter what, giving grace and extending hope after a wrongdoing is a deeply individual and personal choice. One that can only be made if and when you are ready. I hope these 7 steps help you maintain your own well being while remaining open to the idea of forgiveness.
ABOUT LA’TASHA KIONGOZI
EXHALE Social welcomes our newest contributor La’Tasha Kiongozi curator of our Wellness Wednesday series. La’Tasha Kiongozi is a poet, educator, healer, and sacred artist committed to mindfully savoring the joys of life. They advocate for self expression and honor creativity as medicine. Through their writing and healing remedies, they hope to inform, encourage, and inspire all they cross paths with to flow in holistic wellness and abundance. When they are not brewing herbal medicines or showcasing their work at conferences and workshops, La’Tasha can be found playfully exploring the world, gazing up at the stars, or immersed in a good book. Connect with La’Tasha and explore their work and offerings.
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