#WELLNESSWEDNESDAY
Giving and extending help to others is rewarding yet challenging work, especially in a world that can often leave caretakers feeling drained with no way to replenish ourselves. As a general guideline, I recognize caretaking to be caring for, giving to, or helping others, especially in a way that requires your main resources. I choose to define these resources to be: time, energy (mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional), focus, attention, and money. Though there are many more resources that can often go into extending care, these are the ones that I see come up most often both for myself and others around me. If you are someone who struggles with balancing taking care of yourself with helping others, read on for tips on how to cultivate that much needed level of balance on your healing journey as a caretaker.
As a fair warning from the experiences of my personal life, developing this balance has been quite a challenge and requires daily effort on my part. In the past it was far too easy for me to overextend in many, and sometimes all, of the areas of my primary resources. I have often found myself in such roles of caretaker by choice or by circumstance. Noting from my own journey, I see myself and others enter into these roles for a handful of similar reasons.
Although there are many reasons we may agree to help others, it is important to balance our own needs with their needs as we offer help. Here are 5 tips that have been helpful to me in learning how to be present and extend help to others while also prioritizing my own personal needs.
5 Tips to Prioritize Yourself While Helping Others
1. Check in with Yourself. Before saying yes and committing to requests, I encourage you to understand where your “yes” is coming from. Take a moment to ask yourself if this is something you truly want to do or if you feel you “should” or “have to” agree. Aim to only agree to and do the things you have a desire to do. While this in no way means you will never be uncomfortable doing certain things, it can ensure that such discomfort is useful to you and your journey. Otherwise it will not end well for anyone, yourself or the person you are helping.
2. Assess Your Resources. Before you commit to freely giving out your resources, be it time, money, energy, attention, or focus, assess what you have in your cup to give. Note what you have to give before giving to ensure it doesn’t destabilize you. It is ok to say no. You do not have to put yourself in a position of being without what you need in order to help. Remember, you need your resources too!
3. Prioritize Self care. You come first. You are a priority. Without you fully present, you can’t truly give, and you can’t fully be present without taking care of yourself. While self care has become a bit of a buzzword in today’s world, I challenge you to sit with and identify what the truth of self care is for you. It may be a nice bubble bath but it could also mean 20 minutes a day of alone time with yourself. Whatever self care looks like for you, make sure its #1 on the priority list.
4. Have a Support Group. When we are taken from we have to have ways to refill. One way you can do so is by connecting with your spaces of support. Whether it’s found in a physical place of restoration or in a person or group of people, make sure to refill your cup. Community is important, we do not and often cannot heal in isolation. Find your people. Connect with your tribe. Vibe with yo folx.
5. Communicate Your Needs. Let People know when you need a break. We often want to hold the role of the strong ones but that can only take us so far. Be prepared to share when your capacity has shifted and allow that to be ok. Not everyone will be happy or agree but you will keep your sanity and your energy. Give yourself time away to refill, that way you will be at your peak when extending help moving forward.
Although this is not a fully comprehensive list, I hope these tips act as a sacred reminder that it is OK to flow in purpose and service as someone who gives to others, as long as it does not hinder you from prioritizing yourself and what you need.
ABOUT LA’TASHA KIONGOZI
EXHALE Social welcomes our newest contributor La’Tasha Kiongozi curator of our Wellness Wednesday series. La’Tasha Kiongozi is a poet, educator, healer, and sacred artist committed to mindfully savoring the joys of life. They advocate for self expression and honor creativity as medicine. Through their writing and healing remedies, they hope to inform, encourage, and inspire all they cross paths with to flow in holistic wellness and abundance. When they are not brewing herbal medicines or showcasing their work at conferences and workshops, La’Tasha can be found playfully exploring the world, gazing up at the stars, or immersed in a good book. Connect with La’Tasha and explore their work and offerings.
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