Ladies, let’s talk about something that’s as frustrating as it is familiar: being used for your expertise. If you’re a woman who’s built up years of experience in your field, you know exactly what I mean. People come to you with their “quick questions,” ask for your opinion on everything from business strategy to relationship advice, and suddenly, your calendar is full of requests for free guidance. But here’s the kicker: while your male counterparts are charging hefty fees for their wisdom (and getting paid top dollar for their “master classes”), you’re left wondering when your knowledge will start working for you.
It’s time for a change, ladies. Let’s break down the five signs that you’re being taken advantage of and, more importantly, what you can do about it.
1. Everyone Wants a “Quick Chat” (But It’s Never Quick)
We’ve all been there. Someone from your network (or worse, a total stranger) slides into your DMs with a message that starts with, “Hey, I know you’re busy, but could I pick your brain about [insert complex topic]?” Translation: I want your expertise, but I’m not interested in paying you for it.
These “quick chats” often stretch into hour-long consultations, filled with advice that you’ve spent years accumulating. While they leave with actionable steps and strategies, you’re left feeling drained and undervalued. And while your male counterparts might be charging $500 an hour for a similar conversation, you’re stuck wondering why you’re giving it away for free.
What to Do:
Start setting boundaries. Politely but firmly explain that you offer consultations for a fee. If they can’t pay for your time, consider offering a paid option for these “quick chats”—something low-cost like a 15-minute phone call or a quick email exchange. If people still want your insights without compensation, it’s time to reevaluate if they’re really a priority in your life.
“…start being recognized as the powerhouse you truly are.”
2. They Ask for Your Expertise, Then Offer “Exposure”
Ah, the classic “We can’t pay you right now, but this will give you great exposure!” pitch. As if you haven’t heard that one before. You know how this goes: you’re asked to speak at an event, write a guest post, or give a free webinar on a subject you’ve spent years mastering. The kicker? It’s always about how this “exposure” will lead to future opportunities… but somehow, it never does.
It’s no coincidence that women are often targeted for these “exposure” gigs. The assumption is that you’ll be flattered to share your knowledge for free because you’re passionate about the subject. Meanwhile, the organizers (who are almost always male in these situations) pocket the revenue from ticket sales, subscriptions, or sponsorships—none of which are shared with you.
What to Do:
Learn to say no. Politely but firmly, explain that while you’re grateful for the opportunity, you can’t afford to work for free. If the exposure is truly valuable, they’ll offer to pay you. If not, don’t waste your time. Instead, consider creating your own platform—like a paid online course or webinar series—where you can share your expertise on your own terms and earn money while doing it.
3. You’re Always the One Who Is Asked to Help, But Never Acknowledged
Have you noticed that whenever someone needs advice or help, they come straight to you? You spend hours crafting thoughtful responses, providing research, or offering a step-by-step breakdown of your experience. And yet, when they publish or announce something—whether it’s a book, blog, or business success—your name is nowhere to be found. Not even a shout-out for the advice that helped them get there.
What to Do:
It’s time to advocate for yourself. If someone has benefited from your advice or expertise, politely ask if they’d be willing to mention you in their project, post, or article. You’re allowed to request credit where it’s due. And remember, this is an excellent opportunity to turn the situation around—consider negotiating a fee for ongoing consultations or mentorship.
4. Your Expertise Is “Expected” Without Any Compensation
Another sneaky way you’re being used for your knowledge is when people start expecting your expertise for free. They assume that since you’ve been helpful once or twice, you’re just going to keep answering their questions without hesitation. Whether it’s family, friends, or coworkers, these people suddenly think you owe them your time and knowledge.
What’s particularly galling about this is that many women—especially those in service-oriented or caregiving roles—are socialized to give, give, give without asking for anything in return. Meanwhile, men are often encouraged to monetize their skills from the start.
What to Do:
You are not a free resource. Start rethinking your approach to “helping” others. Don’t be afraid to ask for compensation, whether it’s financial or in-kind, for the time and effort you invest in answering questions or solving problems. If they’re truly your friends, they’ll respect your boundaries and will be happy to pay for your expertise.
5. You Feel Drained, but They Keep Coming Back
If you’ve noticed that you’re feeling mentally exhausted after every conversation where you’ve provided your expertise, it’s a big sign that you’re being used. People are happy to keep coming back to you for free advice, but they rarely check in to see how you’re doing or offer anything in return. Over time, this can lead to burnout, especially if you feel like you’re constantly giving while receiving little to no acknowledgment or compensation.
What to Do:
It’s time to start valuing yourself. Create a system where you can monetize your knowledge. One of the best ways to do this is by creating your own course. Whether it’s a simple e-book, a webinar, or a fully structured online course, packaging your expertise into a product will allow you to share your knowledge with a wider audience and, most importantly, get paid for your time and effort.
Solution: Monetize Your Expertise
Women are often preyed upon for their knowledge—whether by colleagues, clients, or even friends—without being offered the same financial opportunities as their male counterparts. But you don’t have to keep giving away your hard-earned expertise. Instead, turn your accumulated knowledge into a business asset by creating a course or product that allows you to get paid for what you know.
Remember, your knowledge is valuable. You deserve to be compensated for it, just like anyone else. Start setting boundaries, advocating for yourself, and taking control of how you share your expertise. Because when you do, you’ll not only stop being used—you’ll start being recognized as the powerhouse you truly are.
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